God doesn't talk to me

Since I started walking in Christian circles, there’s one piece of advice I’ve heard quite a few times now: “Invite God into everything, even the little things.” I’ve had people recommend that I ask God what I should have for breakfast, what route I should take when I’m driving, and other similarly low-stakes questions. Just a few weeks ago, during Sunday service, the speaker suggested asking the Holy Spirit about what to wear.

Why might you ask God such questions? Well, from what I’m hearing, the idea is to help us learn to recognize God’s voice. By inviting Him into the little things and listening for His guidance, we’ll be more attuned to it when He responds to questions on the bigger things.

In theory, this makes some sense. Not only will you be able to practice discerning your own voice from that of the Holy Spirit, but you may also be less inclined to subconsciously de-center God from your life if you’re consulting Him in the day-to-day things.

In practice, though, it seems I’ve hit a snag…

God doesn’t talk back to me.

Not once since I claimed Christ as my Lord and Savior have I heard His voice sounding through my head. Not once has God responded to a prayer by giving me an aha-moment sort of revelation. And for a while, I thought that meant there was something wrong.

I’ve cried out to God, asked to hear His voice, begged for an encounter with Him. I’ve had horrific nightmares about demons attacking me or my loved ones, and when I try to drive them away, they laugh in my face, saying I’m powerless because I don’t have the Holy Spirit within me.

It’s made me feel like such a fraud. If I’m not hearing the Holy Spirit, does that mean I don’t have it? What am I doing wrong? Is God ignoring me?

Recently, though, I reread the Gospel of John, and I started to wonder if maybe the problem wasn’t that God wasn’t speaking – maybe the problem was my own expectations of what that would look like.

In John 14:26, Jesus says, “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” An absolutely incredible, wondrous gift. What I want to note here, though, is that Jesus doesn’t describe exactly how the Holy Spirit will work in different people. Instead, He tells us exactly what the Holy Spirit’s role is: to teach us and to remind us of what He has already said. How the Holy Spirit does that remains largely a mystery – at least, until you’ve experienced it yourself.

In recent weeks, I’d been feeling so downtrodden that I wasn’t hearing God’s voice. I would hear people say “The Holy Spirit told me…” or “The Holy Spirit said…” and I didn’t understand why I couldn’t relate.

But once I read that verse in John, I started to remember times where passages of Scripture popped into my head and helped me in some way. I recalled instances of disobedience followed by that deep inner-knowing that I’d done wrong. I thought back to all the verses I’ve read once, twice, ten, or even twenty times that I didn’t understand at all until, at some point, something clicked.

Did those experiences not remind me of what God has already spoken? Did they not teach me lessons and allow me to learn about God?

I’ve felt the Holy Spirit’s guidance in decisions, both big and small. I’ve felt the Holy Spirit’s conviction when I’ve screwed up. I’ve been incredibly blessed to have Him teach me things, even after I’ve repeatedly ignored His wisdom. Isn’t that exactly what the Advocate’s role is supposed to be?

And, if that’s the case, God has been speaking all along – just not in the way I expected.