Little ways God has shown up for me lately
The past few weeks have been an emotionally trying time. I won’t delve into why today, but the context matters.
I also want to mention that before I started my walk with Jesus, I had a tendency to wallow. During trying times, I’d spiral down into these deep depressive pits, and it was quite hellish once it was finally time to dig myself out. But, by the grace of God, this time is different.
Now, I have the peace of knowing that the weight of the world isn’t on my shoulders. I have the incredible gift of confidence that my God is a God who draws near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). And so, in honor of this exciting development, I wanted to share a short list of some of the small ways I’ve watched God show up in my life recently.
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· Tears with no headache. I’m sure we’ve all had the experience of crying late into the night. You wake up and your face is all puffy, your eyes are glassy, and you probably have a raging dehydration headache.
In my young adult life, every single crying session has yielded one of those throbbing headaches. I’ll wake up, walk to the pantry, grab some electrolytes and possibly ibuprofen, then head to the freezer and grab my ice roller – a fabulous remedy for the Michelin man-level swelling I tend to get around my eyes.
Recently, though, despite all my tears, I haven’t had a single headache. Not one. And I haven’t done anything differently that would explain it. I’ve still been mediocre at best at drinking an appropriate amount of water. I’ve still been only semi-consistent with my sleep-wake routine. My diet hasn’t changed. As such, I’ve concluded that God did me a solid this time around, and I am extremely grateful for it – I got to stay one notch further from a “crash out”.
· Recalling scripture in a state of exhaustion. Unsurprisingly, since I’ve been a bit more emotionally stretched than normal, my sleep has suffered. There was a night last week where I felt pretty exhausted.
In my exhausted state, as I was lying in bed on the brink of falling asleep, I suddenly recalled a prayer – specifically, the prayer at the end of Psalm 139, which reads:
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Now, I would not call memorization one of my particular strengths. I am still working on recalling scripture with any reasonable degree of accuracy. But that night, half asleep and totally wiped, the words poured out with confidence and clarity. I didn’t stumble once. And even though that’s such a small thing, I’m grateful for it, and I hope that God will continue to write Scripture on my heart however He sees fit.
· Community leaning in. In the past two weeks alone, I’ve had so many people reach out to me. Whether it be offering to grab coffee, making dinner plans, or just asking me how I’m doing, I’ve been incredibly blessed to see so clearly how many wonderful people I have around me. People at church – some of whom know that I’m going through a tough time and some who have no idea – have invited me on fun outings. My pastors reached out to me about some additional ways I could serve at church. Friends who I don’t see very often happened to text me and ask how I’m doing and when I’m free.
Again, this seems like a small thing. It may sound ordinary, like friends just being friends. But here’s how I see it: during a time when all I want to do is isolate myself (in a non-productive way), I’m not only being reminded of how many people want to pour into my life – I’m also being given every opportunity to make a better choice. Instead of curling up in a ball, I get to go out with my friend, grab a burger, and invite her on a church-plus-farmer’s-market outing. I get to volunteer my time to make services run more smoothly, and get to know some new people in the process. I get to bond with my fellow Christians over a shared love of sourdough bread and hearty home-cooked dinners. And since I’m no believer in coincidences, I’m seeing God’s fingerprints all over this.
· A glimmer of peace. Though the last couple of weeks have been tough, I’ve already seen a pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel. I took a hard, scary step in faith, and in the aftermath, I’ve had little glimmers of total peace that I’ve never felt before. It’s like I don’t just know that the weight of the world isn’t on my shoulders – I’ve actually gotten to feel some of that weight lifted off.
I still have moments of anxiety. But now that I’ve felt that peace, I know that I can look back on it as anecdotal evidence that God’s sovereignty is freeing. Surrender is freeing. Obedience is freeing. And praise God for that, because that whole “carrying the weight of the world” thing was not doing me any favors.
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What an amazing thing to be able to see God in my life, even in these small ways. Here I am, headache-free, surrounded by loved ones, immersed in words given by God Himself, and seeing already some of the fruits of my surrender. Honestly, I’m floored.
None of these things change the fact that I’m sad. I still want to curl up in a ball sometimes. But it’s a lot easier to keep going when I get to remember that God is there, even when it’s hard (Psalm 139:7-10). No matter how deep I go, He shows up, in big ways and small. So today, I’m choosing to appreciate the little ways.
Thank you, God. Your presence is more than I’ve ever deserved, and more than I can ever repay. Thank you.